My doctor said I am getting dementia.

        That’s very serious.  Did you get a second opinion?

        Sure enough.  The next guy said my knees are shot.

Most of us who live long enough are going to get dementia.  None of us likes the prospect.  Many express a preference for dying sooner. 

 “If I get foolish, please just shoot me,” a 78-year old military man said to his wife at a recent dinner party.  He laughed as though he had just made a joke.  But his sour-pussed wife seemed to give it thoughtful consideration.

Keeping a sense of humor is our best hedge against dementia.  Even when we lose the punchline of a joke in that cerebral forest where the neural pathways are becoming overgrown, a fun loving attitude will keep alive the spirit of adventure and the expectation that everything may still turn out okay.

Of course, there are good reasons to be worried and self-absorbed.  All those grumpy old men can’t be wrong.  But they should be forgiven rather than emulated.  There is a lighter approach.  If we can look back on adolescence with some kindness toward our former tormented souls, we should be able to shrug off the symptoms of senility that foreshadow our coming days of  cognitive confusion.  We can laugh together at what might alarm us if we faced it alone.

As with so much else, worry solves nothing and planning might help.   Planning for cognitive disability is a forethoughtful gift we can give our future befuddled selves and an act of generosity to our too-soon-to be-bewildered family members.  I don’t want to scare you more, buy there isn’t anything less worth the cost than court proceedings for guardianship and conservatorship.  Thousands of dollars that need not be spent.

Your travel kit for traversing the terrain of old age needs to be better equipped than something you might buy off the shelf. 

• First of all you need to re-do that will you have been forgetting to update since the kids were small. Wills get challenged when the testator has dementia . . . and some of the should be because someone without her full faculties doesn’t see reality clearly.
• Secondly, you must sign before a Notary Public a durable power of attorney that allows some trusted person to access your accounts and pay your bills. You can hire trustworthy bonded people to do it, and trust in something on paper.
• Thirdly, you need to write out and keep in an easy-to-find spot a Health Care Power of Attorney.  Most health care providers offer the forms to you. Don’t be afraid to fill out more than one. 
• Finally, don’t brood over you choices.  Get good advice and make up your mind. Once you have a conversational relationship with an estate planner, you can call up and say you changed your mind, or that you need more information.